I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
