I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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