Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
