I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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