the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
