a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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