I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
