He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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