Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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