We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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