So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
