That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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