What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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