He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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