I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
