Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
