I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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