my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
