Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
