tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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