My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
