There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
