i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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