Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize