Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
