I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
