um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
