Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
