he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
