There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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