are you still at the devil's house?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
