Me too!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
