Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
