True but thats because hes a fetus.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize