What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
