I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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