True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
my liver is dry heaving
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