I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
