I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
