Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
