I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize