Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
