I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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