So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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