Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
