just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
