I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
