Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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