she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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