i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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