people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
