i came on her dog
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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