So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
