So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize