We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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