Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i already hear my dad disowning me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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