Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
