There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
