Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize