mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
