You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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