You just made me feel so damn special
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
