hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
