I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
