third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
