Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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