I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
