I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
