three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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