well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
