He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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