I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
