apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
