so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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