Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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