Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
whose parrot is this?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize