The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
