note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
