In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You smell like stripper and shame
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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