My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
