im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
